i just realized that school starts in a week.
thank god.

i don't know how much longer i can stand being drenched in my own thoughts. i have this sick feeling in my stomach that won't go away. anything that i try to do doesn't clear my mind, and instead this bullshit is all i can think about. 
it's that type of feeling where i want to sleep to stop thinking, but my thoughts overcome it. i can't eat. i can't focus on other things. i don't want to go out because i know that when i come home it'll be the same shit.

i sometimes wish i wasn't in love. maybe then my mind would be straight.

 it's been a year since i've posted something on here. seems like i always come here when i wanna hide & just write.
deleted my twitter, tumblr, facebook and blogger. kind of liberating. i couldn't completely leave the www because.. well hell, my thoughts fly too fast for my hand to write in journals.
so here i am. back. but i have a feeling i won't be here for long.

another year has gone by. i can't even begin to list the memories, changes and the self-growth i've gone through in 2009. 
for starters, i fell in love with my best friend. totally caught me off guard actually. it was a winter night, either the end of january, or beginning of feb, and a literal "OMG" moment. thought i was going crazy. haha. a few months later, my bestfriend became my boyfriend. despite what people say about mixing friendships with relationships, above all he continues to be my greatest friend. it's nice to have the same person you can go to for everything, the person you ask advice from and give advice, to being the same person i'm allowed to kiss whenever i want to. i'll admit, it sometimes causes problems and complications, but it's nothing we can't get through. i couldn't picture myself with anyone else.

to the boys of 2008, of which i can clearly remember through my last few posts before the '09 new year, thank you. if it weren't for the experience and learning opportunities, i wouldn't have realized that he was right there all along. 

there's always something about this time of year that puts me into an emotional wreck. (well, that's probably true about my whole year.. haha) 
usually during winter, i can only count on my coffee, couch, macbook and dark chocolate. this year added, my blackberry and...... lounging socks. seriously, if you don't own a pair of those, go out and buy some right now. they are nothing short of amazing.

anyway, guess that's it for today. knowing that no one will find this makes me happy. i write (or type i guess) for the sake of writing. doing it for any other reason wouldn't satisfy me. see ya.